


"Commercial Planes Suck" -official BAU statement

by Frog_that_writes



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Crack?, i dont know what tho tag this as, i only wrote this because my little sister kept asking me to, idk man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-17 11:55:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18964726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frog_that_writes/pseuds/Frog_that_writes
Summary: When they apparently need to do maintenance on the BAU jet, the team is forced to take a commercial plane to their next case. Some take this news better than others.





	"Commercial Planes Suck" -official BAU statement

“Someone remind me again why we’re about to take a four hour ride to California on a plane filled with civilians?” Rossi grumbled to Hotch while they attempted to shove their carry-ons into the overhead.

“They were doing maintenance on the jet, Dave. This hasn’t changed since I explained it four minutes ago.”

“I’m just trying to understand. We haven’t had a case in over a week, yet today, the day we’re called into California, is the day the jet is in the shop?” 

“It does seem a little fishy to me,” Derek said as he moved past them to find his seat on the plane. The last minute nature had prevented them from all getting seats next to each other, which was going to make it hard to communicate.

“And to me it seems that you two are too paranoid,” Hotch shook his head. “Go look over the file. We can text each other if we notice anything, but we shouldn’t discuss the case like this.”

“Aye Aye Captain,” Derek smirked. “ Let’s hope we all have better seat partners than Reid.”

Hotch followed Derek’s line of sight to find said teammate sitting beside a heavily pregnant woman and a squirming toddler who was attempting to sit on her lap. 

“At least the kid will keep him entertained,” Dave chuckled. “All right, let’s get to our seats before they kick us off this commercial death trap.”

-

JJ

_ You and Rossi are looking pretty comfortable over there Hotch :) _

Morgan

_ I’m not going to lie, I’m a little mad you two got to sit in the same row _

Hotch

_ I thought I told you all we’re only supposed to use this for information pertinent to the case. _

Garcia

_ Wait I feel left out someone tell me where everyone is sitting  _

Hotch

_ May I remind you all that these are our work phones and that the higher ups can read all of our messages. _

Garcia

_ Darn.  _

Garcia

_ Okay, so I ran the medical records of all the our current victims and I think I’ve found a weird trend  _

-

“Your hair is so pretty dearie.” JJ startled and looked up from the crime scene photos at the old lady sitting next to her who had suddenly decided to speak up. Oh no.

“You know, my granddaughter had wonderful blonde hair just like that before she decided to go and dye it. I told her, ‘You’re never going to get yourself a boyfriend by doing that to your hair sweetie,' but she didn’t want to listen. She just decided to go right on ahead, and even cut it so short she might as well just be a boy now! And I know she’s her own person but…”

JJ internally groaned as she realized she had a long flight ahead of her. She almost wished she could have been one of the young women with their arms literally ripped off rather than suffer through four hours of this woman’s ramblings about her teenage granddaughter.

-

Derek had thought he had made it out the easiest among the team. He had incidentally not thought to mention to the rest of the team that the seat next to him hadn’t been filled for whatever reason. Whoops.

But the tiniest bit of guilt it caused (and the bad karma, the Garcia voice in his head added) was well worth it for the peace of being able to spread his legs out just a little bit more and listen to music with his headphones on in peace. 

Peace that lasted right up until he felt the first kick on the back off his seat. 

He turned around and spotted an angry eight year old who was clearly trying to get his attention.

“What are those pictures? They’re really gross.” The kid wrinkled his nose for effect. 

Shit. He definitely wasn’t supposed to let random little kids see pictures of naked dismembered women.

“Um. You like pokemon Kid?” The boy nodded enthusiastically and ran into the empty seat next to him. Morgan tried to shoot a look at the kids mom, but she was fast asleep. Maybe there was really something to the whole karma thing. He’d have to apologize to Garcia when they got back.

-

“So, what’s a pretty girl like you doing flying all alone?” Emily took in the sight of what was clearly a sleeze ball sitting next to her and sighed. Well, she honestly wasn’t getting anywhere rereading the case files without being able to talk to her team. Might as well play along and have some fun.

“Oh, you know, just traveling. Going to see some sights.”

  
“Without even a friend? That’s pretty dangerous. Your boyfriend didn’t want to come?” Yeesh how old did this guy think she was. She guessed she would just take it as a compliment.

“I don’t have one. How about you? What are your plans in California?”

“Didn’t really have any before, but now I’m thinking about seeing some sights with a pretty girl. You know any who might be up to it?” He asked with a smirk.

“No, but I’ll let you know if I find any.” She fought to contain a laugh and the look on his face and turned back to her file, definitely not making sure the flash the FBI insignia on the front cover in his direction. She would never abuse her position as an FBI agent to prove a point to a random guy. Dropping her badge by mistake when she grabbed a pen out of her pocket was definitely a mistake too.

-

Reid shoved himself further up against the wall of the plane, and shot a reassuring smile at the apologetic look he got from the woman sitting next to him. There was no way he was going to be able to look over the case. Good thing he had thought to read it on the ride to the airport and memorized it.

“I’m so sorry to ask this, but would you mind holding onto Riley here for a minute? I can not get him to settle down and he keeps kicking my stomach-”

“Yeah, sure, no problem,” he said, taking the two year old into his lap. Thankfully, he seemed to settle down after having a place to actually sit.

“Thank you so much! I had booked seats for both of us, but something had been messed up and the seats ended up being on opposite ends of the plane and I obviously can’t leave him alone so. Sorry. I’m rambling. Thank you.”

“Of course, it’s really no problem. So, what are you going to California for?”

“Planning on visiting this little one’s grandparents.” She smiled.   
“Wow that sounds like fun,” Reid smiled at the kid in his lap, who excitedly starting babbling about his family.

-

“Well, at least Reid’s having fun,” Rossi said, surveying the team. 

“Yeah, but I think it’s going to be hard to keep the rest of the team from killing Strauss as soon as get back from this case.” Hotch 

“We should probably tell them we had some horrible experience too. We don’t want them getting an-” Rossi’s plot was cut off as a sudden screeching began emitting from in front of them. 

“You were saying?” Hotch asked over the sound of a screaming baby and an angry father yelling at the whoever it was that had set his kid off.

“Scratch that about stopping the rest of the team. I’m going to hold Strauss’ limbs down myself."

**Author's Note:**

> im so sorry you had to read this


End file.
